Tuesday, November 29, 2016

As If the World Were Not Enough

The self-destruction to me is a bit puzzling.  And I know all about addiction, I know all about what I'm doing to myself, and still I keep smoking.

I can't seem to string together more than three days without a cigarette.  After that something in my mind just decides not to be determined anymore and thats when I go and get more cigarettes.  It's stupid, incredibly stupid.  I'm not young and the collective damage through the years must be severe.

There's a great book that helped me quit but it didn't help me stay quit.  There's drugs that I've tried but stopped because of the nightmares they produced.  Now I'm relying on my anger, but even that fades and I wind up smoking again.

My sister is going to have cancer surgery in ten days.  Which makes me feel like a much bigger asshole.

I want to save the world but I can't save myself.

It's a new day. I'm not giving up on quitting.